I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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