Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
handjob tips. give me some.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
