I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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