spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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