I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
