all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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