I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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