Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
