How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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