...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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