We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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