He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
