I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
