mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
PANTIES FOUND
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