i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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