I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
