The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
