i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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