the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
