his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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