I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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