I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
