Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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