in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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