Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize