coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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