They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
