watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize