if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
