I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My feet surprised me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
