I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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