I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
