Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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