maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
