When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
