Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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