She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
