Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
