Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
