Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
