i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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