Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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