OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
