but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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