new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
