since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
