I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
