Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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