Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
