Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've blown a few things in my day
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
