I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize