Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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