I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
