For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
