Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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