She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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