So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
