ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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