I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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