You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
