since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
