First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
