i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Your tits are I can't wait for
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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