I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
