I love black thongs
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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