Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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